Dear Leia
by Darth Tromeros
Summary: Poor Han, stuck in the middle of nowhere because of his beloved bucket of bolts, decides to write about his feelings for Leia.  Set between ANH and ESB.  ***UPDATED***  It's a really bad chapter though. XP  Sorry!
1. Chapter 1

Dear Leia,

Gods forbid you ever read this. The only reason I'm writing this krething thing is because I'm currently stranded in the middle of nowhere because the _falcon_'s hyper drive system is acting up and I'm taking a break from finishing it.

I guess I'll start off in a short and simple way: I like you. I like you much more than I should. Ever since the first time I saw you, I liked you. Sure, we've had our fights but I've always felt this thing deep inside of me, like something's trying to get me to say that I like you.

And I'm saying it now.

Even if there's a possibility you'll never, ever read this. Which even though I don't want you to, I still feel that I need to document this somewhere.

I guess I can start from the beginning.

Okay, so I'm an orphan, you know? I'm not sure if you know that or not, but I've been an orphan for as long as I can remember and I didn't have the greatest childhood. I got involved with pirates, which explains my noble profession, but that's beside the point.

What I'm trying to get out here is that I met this girl. Beautiful as all get out, and I was madly in love with her. But guess what happened? She broke me heart. I'm not really sure how I was like after that; maybe I hardened, maybe I didn't—I'm not even sure if I showed how I felt or not. But I told myself somewhere down inside that I couldn't get involved with women. Maybe to just mess around with them, but never to have a real relationship.

And that's the way it was. I worked for Jabba as you may know, and because I was trying to pay Jabba off is the whole reason why we met. Luke and that that old Jedi nut he had with him pulled me into the whole rescue mission even though I was supposed to go to Alderaan. I'm sorry if that hurt to hear if you're reading this—I'm not sure if you're still upset over the whole event, but that's who the story goes.

Anyways, when you came out of that cell all I saw was one-hundred percent woman. No girl, nothing else. I was blinded by beauty, but I sort of ignored it because I thought that about women before. But there was something different about you that made me uneasy.

And then came that spitfire personality of yours. I thought to myself, "Oh boy, Han. You're got one of _those _girls on your hand." Although I honestly can't stand the thought of somebody trying to tell me how to run things, there was something about how feisty you were, how you liked to take control that cause some sort of admiration for you.

And thus I observed you for a while afterwards—how you cared so much for the rebellion. I mean you cared for them like if they failed you would die. Okay, maybe not that much, but I think you know what I mean.

And every time we fought—oh, Gods, I believe I fell even deeper into this strange spell. You always think you're _so _right, like nothing else matters but what you think. For some reason you're not like that in political meetings. Is it just something in meetings you can't say or is it just how you act around me? Anyway, we always fight over the stupidest things—I admit it, now you have to too if you're reading this. Like that one time we fought over—what was it?—a blanket or a jacket or something. I don't even remember what started that fight, but all I remember is how the fire came into your eyes and this rage shown all over your face, and honestly, it's sort of intimidating. But I, the fabulous Han Solo (don't deny it, sweetheart), would never show that. But even through the fights, you're spirit and determination would make me like you even more. Like as if you were a woman worth fight _for_ instead of _against_.

But then there were those few times where we wouldn't fight. Like that one time I walked in on you crying about Alderaan. Do you remember that? You were crying all by yourself, hidden in some unused room, and I walked in for some forgotten reason and you told me nothing was wrong when I asked and then told me to get out. But I stayed, and you didn't fight me. Instead when I told you that I was there for you, you came running into my arms and just cried without one word between you or me.

You know what, Leia? I like those moments. They're pretty nice. No fighting, nobody else. Just you and me and no words. Just you resting on me. If you're embarrassed or even revolted at this thought if you're reading this, don't be. Come on, princess. You have a breaking point like everybody else. Even I have one, believe it or not. You need to let it all out. I'll be here, I promise.

I really like your personality, you know? Your feistiness but at the same time gentleness. How sociable and understanding you are—at least in politics. But you're determination and independence is what really makes you stand out.

And even without that, you're still as beautiful as any nebula or galaxy out there. Actually, even more.

I can go on even longer, but honestly I have no idea where I'm going with this. And on top of that, I'm pretty worried Chewbacca will come storming in here and laugh me out of the galaxy. He's pretty worried already—he knows what I've been through. But honestly, there's something about you. It has to be true from me, because lots of women have toyed around with me, and even though I might be a little—well, uncommitted—there is something definitely different about you. Cross my heart and hope to die, that's how serious I am.

So I'm basically going to sum this up in a short and simple sentence:

Princess Leia Organa, I think I'm in love with you.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Leia,

I guess I'm writing you again, huh? This time I'm rather ashamed to say that I'm not stranded in space; I'm actually just bored. You're somewhere, Luke's somewhere, Chewie's somewhere—face it, _everybody_ is somewhere. And I'm just sitting on my ship, bored out of my mind.

Honestly, all I've been thinking about recently is you. You're driving me crazy, running through my mind nonstop. When I close my eyes, all I see is your big, soft eyes. When my thoughts are silent I hear your confident voice whispering in my ears. I don't know if I like it or not, but you're always there no matter what.

So I guess if I'm supposed to get rid of you, I have to sort this all out, right?

I guess I can start with the first time I met you.

Okay, so maybe I wasn't the most enthusiastic about barging into that detention cell and flying away with you. I don't even know why we went there in the first place. Well actually, I do, but it was only because of that blasted tractor beam. I guess what I should say is that I don't know why we were going to Alderaan in the first place. I was just flying around Luke and the crazy old Jedi because I was supposed to get seventeen thousand. _Thousand. _More than enough to pay Jabba off!

But then there was that Death Star.

And then there was Luke suggesting we go save the Princess who was supposed to be executed.

I refused in the rescue mission, but then Luke told me about the money and I was a little keener, but I still didn't do much. Leia, if you're reading this, you better not come and kill me. It's how it happened. I didn't know who you were.

Luke eventually got you out, and when all those stormtroopers started coming, I couldn't believe you. All you did was criticize how bad our escape was. I didn't ask to do that, sweetheart. We sort of got off on the wrong foot, actually. But as you snatched that blaster right out of Luke's hands and shot the grate, I had two thoughts running through my head: 1. "Are you for real, Princess?" 2. "Damn, that was hot."

Excuse me for my male thoughts.

Anyways, after that when we were trapped in that trash compactor and you hugged me after the walls stopped moving, I swear I felt something jolt between us. Like some type of electric shock. It was then that you slowly started to trickle into my mind.

When we were back in the _Falcon_, I even asked Luke if he thought we had a chance together—even though you had just told me off. He told me no, but I think that was the jealousy speaking. He likes you too, Princess. He probably would never admit it, but he has that naïve romantic look on his face when he looks at you. Trust me, I know that look.

But then after that—when I was packing up my reward from the Alliance—Luke confronted me. I bet he told you that he asked me to stay. The only reason I came back was because I had some feeling that I needed to help the kid one last time. See, I cared. You told me I didn't care when I do. If didn't care, I wouldn't have come back.

So when I got my medal and winked at you—that was actually a hopeful wink. A wink that tried to tell you that I really did like you, that I actually wanted to stay. That you would want that too of me.

So far it's been that way.

This letter has gotten a little bit sappy. I think I'll stop before my head explodes from all these feelings that I've tried to teach myself to ignore.

Of course, you're that one woman who's broken that rule.

-Captain Han Solo


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Leia,

Well, lookie here, I'm writing to you… again. I hope it doesn't become a regular thing, writing letters to somebody who won't read them. But since I already started, I guess I might as well finish.

This letter came about as I was thinking about the parties the Rebels held after the whole award ceremony for Luke and me. I don't like those "refined" parties. I'll tell you now. I don't like getting into those stiff tuxes and then dancing. I'm more of a sideline type of guy; you know, the one leaning on the wall with the cup of whatever in his hand just watching everybody twirl around.

And of course, that was exactly what I looked like there. I tried to hide myself beforehand, but it's not really easy when everybody in the crowd is set about hunt—I mean, trying to find me to give me congratulations.

Gods Leia, I keep forbidding myself to say certain things in these letters. It's your fault, you know that?

Anyways, when I finally gave up, that's when I was leaning against the wall. I could endure a few more hours of torture in that tux and with all the "congrats!" people were giving me. But to tell you the truth, it was getting sort of lonely. I know, I know, how could Han Solo of all people ever be lonely? Well, I wasn't really talking to anybody. And it had been a couple of hours. I was sort of just alone. And if you're alone in a room full of people, it has a bigger effect.

And maybe I was a bit bored too. That's why I came over to you.

Well, not entirely. I came over to you because you looked like you were crying. I was all confused because I had no idea why a princess would be crying in a room full of political people. Heartbreak, maybe? But I ruled in that you probably weren't even in love with anybody.

Scratch that. You probably weren't in love with anybody other than me. (Come on, Princess, you know that's true.)

When I came to you, you tried to show me your whole strong, political attitude. You tried to convince me nothing was wrong when I asked. Boy Leia, for being as strong as you are, I can sure see right through you. Is it just how you act around me? No offense, but as a politician, I would assume you would be a great liar. Sorry, politicians have that reputation.

I knew something was wrong with you though, because you snapped at me with the first thing I said. Usually it took you a couple sentences to get mad at me. But you seemed irritated with my presence, so I wasn't sure if it was just a woman thing or there was something wrong like I thought there was.

I kept pestering you. I wasn't getting anywhere, but you snapped eventually. You snapped when I asked why you were crying. I don't know why that particular sentence made you snap, but it did. I had avoided that question up until then. I was so sick of your little charade—"I'm fine Captain Solo, must you keep asking?"—that I decided to come right out and ask. And then you just broke down sobbing, turning away from me and trying to wipe your tears away.

I took you to another room, turned you around, and wiped away your tears. Princess, I had a feeling you were scared of me though. Like I was going to run off and tell the world that the infamous Princess Leia Organa was crying. Like nobody knew that you weren't stronger and emotionless like any normal human.

Sweetheart, the matter of fact is you _are _human. When you finally listened to me tell you that I was there—that's all I said, you know that—and you threw your arms around me, I saw the most human side I've ever seen of you. It was gentle and kind. Event though you were weak then, I saw how strong you really were. I knew you had lost your planet. I guess I wanted to hear you say it yourself that that's the reason why you were crying. I didn't want to assume and be wrong. But the point is that you still appeared all over and didn't cry once—or you did but hid it very well—proves to me that honey, you're one heck of a girl.

I like that memory. Your small arms clinging on to me like I was the only thing holding you up. How you let my fingers run down your soft, beautiful, braided hair. The sweet aura of the perfume you were wearing was intoxicating.

And it was just you and me there for who knows how long before you accepted my invitation to go dancing.

Oh, Princess, I wish you could've seen the look on your face when you took my hand. You had a nervous look before, but when your hand grasped mine it looked like I was putting a blaster to your head. I sort of assumed you didn't like dancing, considering how long you stood out on the sidelines like I did. It didn't matter to me though, because I didn't like dancing much either, but the women sure like to dance with me.

I don't remember what type of music that was playing, but it was there where I showed you how to waltz. You picked up fast. It wasn't long before the red around your eyes from crying cleared up and you were smiling as we picked up tempo. I think I smiled and laughed with you myself. Honestly, the only thing I really remember clearly was how beautiful your eyes were. They seemed to hypnotize me. I could feel my breathing get a little bit faster as I stared longer. My heartbeat rocketed taking one look at your smile—that radiant, stunning smile—and then my old vow came back to my head.

I must admit, I was worried. I was worried that I would fall in love again and have my heart broken, especially with you being a princess and all. I brushed the fear aside, knowing that we had just met and I shouldn't be rushing into scenarios already. But at the same time, with me feeling things I hadn't felt in that many years I had to be worried a least bit.

And then we came to some abrupt stop. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I think I felt relieved, embarrassed, and irritated at the same time that I had to stop dancing with you. Sweetheart, you're actually very fun to dance with. You and I should dance more often.

Anyways, it was then I started having second thoughts about leaving the Alliance. I was so focused on you, when I suddenly remembered that I had told you that I wasn't going to stay in the Alliance for "your revolution or you."

Oh, well. I guess one more lie wouldn't hurt, would it?

Signed,

Han Solo, Captain of the _Millennium Falcon_

(I'm trying out new signatures… even though you're not going to be reading this.)


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Leia,

Let's start it out this way: you will never humiliate me the way you did tonight.

And that's an order.

In case you have forgotten (which I'm sure you haven't because you honestly do have an ego, no matter how hard it is for others to find it), we made a bet tonight.

You know I like to bet. You knew it. And now I want to punch your face in but at the same time I don't because I like to look into your eyes and—

Kreth it, Leia. Just kreth it all. Please.

So let's start over.

Tonight you made a bet with me that I couldn't drink three glasses of that wretched "blue milk"—aka the drink that was left out even after it became curdled or whatever it did.

And I just had to take it.

You were saying how I say I was such a big man but couldn't even do the simplest things.

I. Can. Too.

And I did. I chugged down those three glasses of the strange tainted drink. And I got your credits.

But, ah-ha, there's a "but then".

But thens. Those cruel things that turn everything around, usually for the worse.

First of all, I'd like to say I have no idea how the hell you even had blue milk. I don't know if Luke somehow smuggled it in, and if he did, he obviously learned those fine skills from me. Second of all, no matter what had happened after I drank the krething drink, I still proved that I was a man contrary to your little superior feminine beliefs.

In short, I threw up.

Embarrassing, I know.

Do you know how humiliating it was to hear all those witty remarks?

And Leia, if you even somehow are reading this—_daring _to read this—I know what you're thinking. You're most likely thinking, "Oh, another tiny blemish to his enormous ego. Wah, wah."

And may I just say, _shut up._

Signed,

Ah, you know who it is.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Leia,

Before I begin this letter, let me just warn you that this will be extremely mushy and an embarrassment to men everywhere, but for some reason I just have to say it.

I love your smile. Gods, I love it so much. I never realized _how _much until today.

It started when we went to that lake. Nothing to do because, honestly, what in the galaxy can the Rebel Alliance do right now? Anyways, you were sitting a couple of meters away, just staring at the water. I was a tad bit tempted to ask you what you were thinking as you looked at the waves. Did it remind you of your home at all? Did it make you feel at peace while the rest of the galaxy was at war? Did it make you feel like you belonged somewhere for once?

(What are you talking about? I didn't think the last question at all the whole time there.

And Chewie, yes I know you are reading this letter over my shoulder and you better stop before ygbvtg

…Sorry about that. I'll have to finish this letter fast because my shoulder is throbbing and I'll have to plan my revenge on that Wookie.

Anyways, the wind was blowing the loose strands of your hair around your face. Your eyes seemed so distant, and you looked like a statue who had been sitting there for centuries, wearing out from all the things you've been through.

Now that I think about it, you _have _been through a lot. The galaxy you govern is at war, your whole planet has been destroyed with everyone you love on it, and then you have a handsome devil like me. All before you turned twenty.

I decided then that I was going to try to get you to look happier. When you look down, nothing seems right. Nothing feels right anymore. You're less prone to get into arguments, never flash me a small grin when you know you're winning whatever game you're playing against me, and all the rest.

Do you remember what I did? I went down to the water and kicked it, staring down at you. I gestured for you to come over and kicked the water again. For a moment, it looked like amusement flickered in your eyes, but it might've been a reflection or something.

After doing that for however long I did it for, I came towards you, picked you up, and marched you right down to the water. You screamed, demanding me to tell you what I was doing. I told you to watch, and then I dropped you into the water.

In hindsight, it wasn't such a great idea. My whole right arm is bruised, you know, and know my left is as well from Chewie slamming me into the keyboard earlier. But although you threw a fit and left a couple marks, I saw you grinning the whole time.

And for the first time in a while, you were happy.

It made me happy too.

Signed,

Your Handsome Devil


End file.
